I just need you to

I just need you to:

  1. Give me flowers even if it is an ordinary day.
  2. Support me on whichever I plan to do.
  3. Give me time whenever you are free. Just 5-30 minutes a day.
  4. Just a text will make me smile.
  5. Include me on your future.
  6. Understand me whenever I miss you.
  7. Give me your smile.
  8. Accept me on how I look.
  9. Accept me that I am just simple.
  10. Correct me if my choice is bad on things.
  11. Call or See me whenever you are free even for a short time.
  12. Include me on your plans.
  13. Be afraid of losing me.
  14. Not keep secrets from me.Because… You don’t know how precious you are to me……Y.I. 

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Intimacy ( What is it and How it really affects a Relationship? )

For those who are currently in the same situation as me, we have one question. Who has to be blamed or should we really blame someone for it? It is not the right time to point fingers on each other but I hope that this article would make us understand what really INTIMACY is and the impacts that it can bring a relationship. I am currently happy with my relationship with a nice man but there are times that we undergo some sorts of a test on how we really deal with problems.

Intimacy has been defined as a close, familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group ( Dictionary.com).  This is the bond or closeness of people to each other. Often than not, intimacy can increase or decrease over time. Emotional intimacy is a double edged sword which brings you joy but it also makes you clingy.

Being intimate or a cold fish has its roots from our childhood. It rooted on how we are brought up by our parents or the environment and society that we grew up in. Let’s look at two different scenarios of a couple named Mathew and Jenny. Jenny is the clingy one in this relationship; she is warm and talkative while Mathew is cold and distant.  They often go into stupid fights verbally or through texts.  It is easy for us to judge the situation where in we point fingers on Jenny that she has to be blamed.
But many of us weren’t so lucky in childhood, and the models of attachment we’ve been given end up dominant towards our romantic roosts, often despite our conscious desires, unless we work actively to understand them. The mental images of relationships we acquire in childhood inform our unconscious patterns of behavior, getting in the way of satisfying connections unless we do the work of understanding and disarming them:

Depending on the circumstances of the individual household, insecurely attached children adapt in different ways. Absent a reliable and stable source of caring and attunement, some people will become anxiously attached—worrying and clinging by turns, plagued by feelings of not being good enough, on the lookout for signals that things are about to go south so that they can protect themselves. Others distance themselves from the uncaring caretaker in an effort to minimize the hurt; these are the “avoidantly attached.” They can be in relationships but stay walled-off or separate in important ways; their behaviors are often confusing to their partners because even though they look as if they’re “in” the relationship, in a real sense they’re not. Large parts of them are disengaged and off-limits. They prize their independence and self-sufficiency.

Keep in mind that these categories—anxious and avoidant—are broadly drawn and that humans are more nuanced and complicated than the labels might suggest. It’s entirely possible for someone to be clingy and needy in close relationships and relatively self-sufficient and successful in career endeavors. Similarly, an avoidant in intimate settings may do well in others that don’t make the same demands on him or her, or wake the sleeping dogs of childhood, such as work environments.

Needless to say, should these two types pair up—one intent on obliterating all boundaries and the other committed to putting them in place—a classic but toxic pattern of confrontation often emerges: demand/withdraw. In this scenario, the partner making the demand evokes a response of withdrawal or stonewalling from the other, putting the couple on an ever-turning carousel. Of course, if an anxious or avoidant is paired with a securely-based individual, the same pattern can also emerge.

If your partner has complained that you’re too clingy or distant, or it’s an observation you’ve heard from others, it’s important for you to consider whether the appraisal is correct. Confronting your own patterns of behavior isn’t always easy, but it will help you achieve what you want—a relationship with the right balance of interdependence and autonomy. The key is to disarm the automatic nature of your responses.

About Rebound Relationships


A person might be considered on the rebound if he or she becomes involved in a relationship that shortly follows the ending of a previous one. Those on the rebound are assumed to have distress as a result of their prior relationship, and therefore their emotional availability is in question. Commonly it is assumed that if you are on the rebound you do not have the capacity to make good decisions about a choice of partner because your feelings about your previous partner influence your decision-making. Thus, if you are dating someone who is rebounding, you may wonder if that person is capable of emotional attachment or if you are, instead, simply a substitute for love that was lost.

Another concern of those who date rebounding people is the potential for neediness to determine the connection rather than actual interest. Certainly there are cases where a fear of being without a partner, rather than genuine attraction and emotional connection, motivates someone to immediately enter into a new relationship.

Those on the rebound may harbor resentment toward the previous partner and experience anger as a result of shame. But such negative emotions regarding a previous partner maintain a tie to them. Anger toward an ex-partner may interfere with attachment to a current one, as well as put a current partner in the uncomfortable position of competing with the ghost of what remains of the past relationship and wondering if the new partner’s interest in, or excitement about, the new relationship is enough to provide fulfillment.

In contrast, some potential partners on the rebound do not bring up the relationship that recently ended, nor do they expose any emotions surrounding the dissolution. A partner’s failure to openly discuss a previous partner does not necessarily represent an indication of continued attachment to them. In such circumstances it is often the new partner whoseanxiety about the attachment leads them to focus on the previous relationship of the person with whom he or she is involved, especially when the previous relationship is very recent history.
The rebound relationship, it is believed, takes up the space that was left by the previous relationship and provides both stability and distraction from loss rather than a working through. According to this way of thinking, a person should “get over” the loss of a relationship before moving on to the next one, which negates the potential for healing and learning that occurs within the contrast of a new relationship. A rebound relationship may mitigate the hurt, shame, and pain of a break-up. Nevertheless, when a person loses a connection, it is through connecting that recovery takes place. Focusing on someone new, according to the limited research on the subject of rebound relationships, can help a person recover from a break-up (Spielmann, S., Macdonald, G., & Wilson, A., 2009). This does not necessarily mean that the new relationship is valued less than the previous one. In fact, the new relationship can prove to have far greater worth than the previous relationship since it is through the comparison of need satisfaction that fulfillment is judged. Time between relationships is not necessary for psychological well-being. People need connection, and moving on can help you get over what has to be left behind.

References

Spielmann, S., Macdonald, G., & Wilson, A. (2009). On the rebound: focusing on someone new helps anxiously attached individuals let go of ex-partners. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35, 1382-1394.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201309/rebound-relationships

Hold your Tongue.. Hold your Heart

Don’t lose your love just because of a slip of the tongue.

A girl in love asked her boyfriend.
Girl: Tell me. Who do you love most in this world?
Boy: You, of course!
Girl: In your heart, what am I to you?

The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, “You are my rib. It was said that God saw that Adam was lonely, during his sleep, God took one of Adam’s rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life, you’ll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart.”

After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while.

However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems, their life became mundane.

All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other. The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated.


One day, after the quarrel, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, “You don’t love me!”

The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse, retorted, “Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib!”

Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a long while. He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water, you can never take it back. With tears, she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up.

Before she left the house, “If I’m really not your missing rib, please let me go.” She continued, “It is less painful this way. Let us go on our separate ways and search for our own partners.”

Five years went by…

He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly. She had left the country and back. She had married a foreigner and divorced. He felt anguished that she never waited for him.

In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart. He couldn’t bring himself to admit that he was missing her.

One day, they finally met. At the airport, a place where there were many reUNI0Ns and good byes. He was going away on a business trip. She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them. She smiled at him gently.

Boy: How are you?

Girl: I’m fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib?

Boy: No.

Girl: I’ll be flying to New York in the next flight.

Boy: I’ll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back. You know my number. Nothing has changed.

With a smile, she turned around and waved good bye.

Good bye…

One week later, he heard of her death. She had perished in New York, in the event that shocked the world.

Midnight, once again, he lit his cigarette. And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew. She was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.

Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to “think twice and act wisely”, it’s often easier said than done.

Things happen each day, many of which are beyond our control. Let us treasure every moment and everyone in our lives.

Tomorrow may never come. Give and accept what you have today.

91 Truths about LOVE

1) love is when you get each other.

2) Keep the lessons and love of the past let the rest go

3) The path of love transforms us.

4) Learn to love what you have rather than have what you love

5) In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities— James Arany

6) God tells us to love one another because he knows it’s joy

7) I cannot withhold my love anymore than the sun can withhold it’s light

8) Foul play is fair in love and war

9) Love, pain, and money cannot be kept secret; they soon betray themselves. Spanish Proverb

10) How strange that justice and love are both blind

11) Never love with all your heart, it only ends in breaking.
English Proverb

12) Love is but one ingredient in the making of a relationship

13) Love makes good mortar, but poor brick

14) A relationship cannot stand on the mortar of love alone

15) Love is doing for another what another wants done for them

16) The world would be better if it focused on having love and making sex

17) You can take love with you

18) Love is the most vestal word in the dictionary

19) Love bought with money can be repurchased with more money

20) A mistress is the validation that sex often wins over love

21) Many a sexual encounter occurs in the name of love

22) Both sex and love run hot and cold, when you have both you improve your chances of being warm

23) When I love something I take care of it — Heather Carle Agid

24) When we love someone we take care of them

25) Love delights the senses

26) Love blinders blackout all others

27) Love see’s beyond the physical

28) One does not lose love, but rather love loses them

29) Love gets lost when one ceases to watch over it

30) To keep love from getting lost one must continue to clear away the path

31) The first symptom of love in a young man is shyness; the first symptom in a woman, its boldness.”

32) “The love of a family is life’s greatest blessing

33) You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry.”

34) The language of love is often silent

35) We are indeed all brothers and sisters, and like brothers and sisters there are degrees of love and hate

36) Love others as you would love your animals

37) Be that love is blind, one must listen for love rather than looking for love

38) One would do better listening for love

39) Love touches the untouchable

40) Love answers to no one and speaks louder than words

41) Love lights the flame and warms the heart

42) More battles have been won with love than with the sword

43) Love conquers death

44) Love- the strongest force on earth

45) Space and time do not exist for lovers

46) Love has a frequency that often only the loved one can hear and a vibration that only the loved one can feel

47) Love listens intently, speaks kindly, sees uniquely and touches deeply

48) If you can go all the way to love go half way and be their friend

49) New love is blind, and real love comes when the blinders are removed from the new love and one still love what one sees

50) If does not exist with unconditional love

51) Love is knowing when to hold on and when to let go

52) The joy of friendless is exceeded only by the joy of love

53) Total and complete love lives in one’s heart soul and mind

54) Real love defies all it’s definitions and comparisons

55) The best lover a man can have is his wife

56) Do not allow the weeds of discontent to choke out love

57) Love touches all senses

58) The best way to keep your heart from being stolen is by giving the key to your heart to your loved one to protect

59) Tough love when you do not let your need for being loved keep you from doing what is right

60) Love is when two heart beat for each other

61) Love is when a heart makes another heart sing

62) You know it’s love when your heart tells you so

63) Love loves love

64) A man guided by love is never lost

65) One must give love to make love

66) For a man making love is the best way a woman can give and for a woman giving love leads to making love

67) Love knows no buts

68) love is but a form of insanity, and it knows no bounds

69) love knows no language barriers

70) when love speaks, the lover listens

71) one act of love is worth more than 1000 words of love

72) the power of love—it warms the heart, brings on smiles, and heals wounds

73) People say love is blind. That is because love sees with the heart and not the eyes

74) love is like an X-ray it sees beneath the surface

75) The love of a good woman is a gift, the love of a good woman who is bad is an even greater gift

76) Love comes to live when you replace the I with o

77) Love happens when I is no longer needed for one to live

78) Love is the greatest of the four letter words

79) The people that are the hardest to love are usually the people that need it the most


80) Love— courage in action

81) Blindness is what makes justice and love work

82) Using love is like using people, and giving love is like giving to people

83) Our culture is loose with using the word love and tight with giving love

84) The most loved thieves are the ones that steal your heart

85) True love when you light each other’s torch

86) The trouble today is that too many people are willing to gamble in love, rather than investing in it

87) The road to heaven is paved with love and service

88) Some people believe love is something to use, rather than something to give

89) If all is fair in love and war then how can we have war crimes

90) Love alone does not conquer all things.

91) Kindness, trust, patience, honor and respect are in the army of love needed to conquer all things

Little Acts Of Kindness

“Could you come in here for a minute?” I heard Martha ask as I rounded the corner.

“Sure, what do you need?” I replied.

Opening her closet this 80+ year-old lady pulled out an outfit. “I’d like you to take this. I think it would look cute on you.” I didn’t know quite what to say. As you might well imagine, this outfit was not something I would ever think of wearing. However, I took it and thanked Martha very much for thinking of me. I put the outfit in the laundry room of the facility and asked the staff to put it back in her room in a few days. Since this was a memory care unit I was sure Martha would forget she gave it to me; and she may even start accusing someone of stealing it.

Martha liked gum. I chewed gum quite often and Martha would usually comment about the gum. It was funny how she would comment, but not come right out and ask for any. I’d normally say, “Would you like a stick of gum?” Martha would always reply, “Sure!”

It wasn’t long and hospice was called in because Martha was dying. Over the years I’ve been with several people as they were dying and all are not the same. Martha was having a very hard time. I walked by her room and I could hear the hospice nurse trying to calm her down. It was obvious nothing was working. My heart went out to Martha and the hospice nurse. I said a quick prayer and walked in the room. I quietly walked over to Martha’s bed and put my hand gently on her chest. I bent down close to her and whispered her name. Martha immediately became calm. Her breathing relaxed and she stopped yelling.

I looked at the hospice nurse and asked her what happened. The nurse said that Martha, though she didn’t know my name, recognized my voice, my touch, the smell of my perfume, and the smell of the gum. These were things that she recognized, and the sound and smell of them brought her comfort.

I’ve found that it’s these little acts of kindness that mean so much and add meaning to life. Showing care and compassion to someone, even if they don’t know your name, brought comfort that day to a dying friend.
http://www.sunnyskyz.com/feel-good-story/1441/Little-Acts-Of-Kindness#AborCTOuLtiWqq4p.99